Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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