Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
