Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
