im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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