can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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