hotel room ftw
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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