i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
