I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
