The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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