Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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