So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
