shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
