i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
