i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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