Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
