Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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