I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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