I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
