11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
so much tequila, so little girl.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
