the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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