Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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