So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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