i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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