Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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