allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
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