When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
