I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
