i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
