i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize