im six kinds of drunk right now
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I would fuck him just for his dog
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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