Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize