I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
