So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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