did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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