i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
