What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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