You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm at about main and main street
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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