dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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