you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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