i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
