Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
