A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
