We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
