oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
