Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Of course I have a pirate flag
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