Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Why is your signature on my underwear?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
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