you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
