She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
