A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize