I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
