WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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