I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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