party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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