I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
