im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize