i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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