So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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