Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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