talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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