I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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