He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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