Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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