Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
