I must be too annoying 4 u.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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