There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
