I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
