it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
