i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
