i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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