we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
